Thirteen

Thirteen is considered to be an unlucky number by some. In 1911, there was even a word coined to describe the fear that some people developed due to it's unlucky reputation. But I don't consider it to be unlucky. I'm not superstitious or anything, knock wood. In fact, 13 holds some pretty good memories for me.

For instance, when I turned thirteen, I asked for a Casio Databank watch for my birthday. It was SOOO cool. Not only did it have a calculator, it also stored telephone numbers. It even had a function to PASSWORD protect up to 10 telephone numbers. 'Cause, you know, a 13 year old has certain... sensitive... phone numbers he might want to... um... protect from... er... prying eyes who happened to have access to a device he wore on his wrist most of the time. Okay, so, in reality, it wasn't as suave and debonair as I first thought, but it was still a really cool (read: geeky) watch.




Anyhow, 13 holds no unfortunate connections, references or tidings in my mind. In fact, on July 6th, 13 will be a very happy number for me because it will mark the number of years that Amelia and I have been married. So, at the risk of being teased for my blogging, I present to you, my wife, and you, my readers: 13 lists of 13 things regarding 13 subjects that I spent at least 13 minutes working on so that 13 people might be impressed about the importance of this, the 13th anniversary of the date of my marriage to Amelia, which if pulled would destroy the world, the universe and everything in it.... whoops... wrong joke; seriously, I am thirteen times more determined to mention 13 exactly 13 times before I formally end this "thirteen" themed sentence than I was 13 minutes ago when I came up with idea for this love note to my wife of (almost) 13 years: Happy 13th, Hunny.

List the first: 13 things I love about being married to Amelia.
1) I love doing the dishes. Not all the time, not universally... but I love the fact that there is something that Amelia REALLY doesn't like to do and I can do it for her.
2) I love travelling with Amelia.
3) I love the clothes she buys for me so I don't have to shop.
4) I love playing board games with Amelia, even when my win/loss record for Boggle is 1/3 gajillion.
5) I love giving her massages.
6) I love snuggling and watching movies at home in bed with popcorn and M&Ms.
7) I love listening to her sing.
8) I love the fact that though she is probably vastly more intelligent that I, she still makes me feel smart.
9) I love how Am sticks her tongue out when she is really concentrating on something.
10) I love that she likes to scrapbook and has chronicled our life together over the years.
11) I love the memories we've made together.
12) I love the babies we've made together (!). :)
13) I love her tolerance of "Emery time", adding at least 30 minutes to any estimate that I give her of when I'll be through/ready/finished/home.

List the second: 13 phrases Amelia says
1) I love you, hunny.
2) Thanks for doing the dishes.
3) Come look at what I've scrapped.
4) The kids need new clothes.
5) Guess what Ele did today...
6) Pirate!
7) Nobody will play Boggle with me.
8) *sigh* I've got to get some laundry done.
9) (quoting the movie, French Kiss) "My ass is twitching. You people make my ass twitch."
10) (again with the quotes) "Fester, fester, fester. Rot, rot, rot."
11) Check your blood sugar.
12) What's for dinner? Shaddupandeatit.
13) I'm more comfortable than you are.

List the third: 13 items within reach of Amelia's bedside
1) The latest book(s) she is reading.
2) Tylenol, advil and at least three glasses that she's brought to bed but neglected to take to the kitchen the next morning.
3) M&Ms or some other candy.
4) The TV remote
5) Kleenex
6) (at least overnight 80% of the time) one of the kids, sleeping on a palette on the floor.
7) A flashlight
8) Massage lotion
9) A lamp
10) Decorative pillows that adorn the bed on the rare occasions it actually gets made up.
11) Debris from pockets that have been turned out when she's changed clothes.
12) Her glasses
13) Her hunny. :)

List the fourth: 13 things Amelia likes to do.
1) Travel
2) Watch certain movies in the background while doing something else
3) Scrapbook.
4) Spend time with good friends
5) Bake
6) Decorate (and eat) sugar cookies.
7) Spend quality time with the kids
8) Voraciously read.
9) Correct grammar. :)
10) Play board/card/dice games.
11) Be involved with meaningful activities: School supply drive; teaching Bible class, charity work.
12) Mixed Martial Arts.
13) Sleep.

List the fifth: 13 things Amelia doesn't like
1) Bad grammar
2) Doing dishes.
3) Working all the time so that she has no time to do other things.
4) Having a headache all the time.
5) The unfortunate reality that the laundry is never done.
6) Times when children's fussiness overextends her patience.
7) Diabetes
8) Milk
9) Late fees for library books.
10) The way in which it only takes 13 nanoseconds to messify a child's room she just spent hours cleaning and straightening.
11) Administrative bureaucracy
12) Nasal congestion
13) Not having her hunny at home.

List the sixth: 13 places Amelia has been with Jeff
1) Rome, Italy
2) Kress, Texas
3) North Platte, Nebraska
4) London, England
5) Plainview, Texas
6) Denver, Colorado
7) Enid, Oklahoma
8) Cloudcroft, New Mexico
9) Paris, France
10) Lubbock, Texas
11) Eindhoven, The Netherlands
12) Kaiserslautern, Germany
13) Innsbruck, Austria

List the seventh: 13 jobs Amelia has performed (for fun or for profit)
1) Wife
2) Mother
3) English Teacher
4) Burger King worker
5) Bible class teacher
6) Classified Ads sales star
7) School Supply Drive coordinator
8) Retail sales manager
9) Office Supply store worker
10) Youth Minister (I was only the front man, Amelia did lots of the behind the scenes support work)
11) Editor
12) Graphic designer
13) Supermodel - seriously... ask to see her portfolio

List the eigth: 13 Memories I have of our wedding day
1) Heat (It was July 6th in Texas, after all)
2) The Sherriff looking for the escaped prisoner.
3) Corn Dog breath
4) My best man and little sister, in collusion, supergluing the ribbons tying the rings to the pillow so they wouldn't come undone easily.
5) My nephew stowing away in our getaway car, forcing us to drive back and dump him in the parking lot.
6) Losing my breath at the sight of Amelia entering the room.
7) Writing our own vows and having Amelia try to insert my promise to continue to love her..."In floorings and in wall coverings"
8) Rikki Lane fixing us a "to go" basket because neither of us got to eat at the reception
9) Being skinny *sigh*
10) Tuxedo mix-ups
11) Phil crying during the ceremony.
12) Using Dad's ring during the ceremony (mine was stuck on the pillow, remember?)
13) The kiss

List the ninth: 13 pictures of Amelia I happen to have on my hard drive right now.
(it was easier to upload the pics and insert a slideshow here of 13 pictures)



List the tenth: 13 gifts I wish I could give Amelia
1) A trip to the Great Barrier Reef. I know this is on your bucket list
2) A new wedding ring (with some sort of insurance against accidental loss)
3) A operating budget at work. I know you would do even more amazing things, given the resources.
4) A surprise party with all her favorite people from all the corners of the world.
5) A cure for Diabetes
6) A lifetime supply of Reese's PB Cups
7) All the cool scrapbooking toys she wants.
8) A house to decorate and live in.
9) Maid service
10) A new(er) vehicle
11) A laptop
12) Extra time in her day so that she can do what she *wants* to do.
13) A trip to San Antonio with her favorite husband and kids. (1 out of 13... whew).

List the eleventh: 13 hats Amelia wears at work
1) Assistant Manager
2) Web master
3) Receiver
4) Stocker
5) Cashier
6) Accounts Receivable
7) Opener
8) Closer
9) Graphic Designer
10) Special Order Clerk
11) Bible imprinter
12) Underpaid, under appreciated employee
13) Special Events organizer
(Yes, I know that other people work there, too... but Amelia is pretty amazing with all the hats she wears there.)

List the twelfth: 13 things Amelia does in a typical day.
1) Showers
2) Checks the kid's blood sugar and administers insulin
3) Cooks a meal
4) Works an 8 hour (at least) day.
5) Mixed Martial Arts workout
6) Reads to relax
7) Laundry
8) Runs to Wal-mart (sometimes multiple times a day)
9) Organizes some extra-curricular activity (bible class, scrapbooks, plans for the kids to do something, etc)
10) Wears cute socks
11) Checks her email/facebook/jde95f.blogspot.com :)
12) Tells me, "I love you, hunny."
13) Falls into bed, exhausted but able to read just a few chapters in a book.

List the thirteenth: 13 Web links that Amelia likes (and you might enjoy, too)
1) http://www.failblog.org
2) http://www.facebook.com
3) http://www.theonion.com
4) http://www.aes.acu.edu
5) http://www.hulu.com
6) http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com
7) http://comics.com/pearls_before_swine/
8) http://www.aslpro.com
9) http://graphjam.com/
10) http://www.jdrf.org
11) http://www.acu.edu
12) http://www.bartleby.com/
13) And a good way to round out a list of 13s, a list of websites and the theme of love: (CLICK HERE)

So, as you sit and wonder what possessed you to read such a long post... as you ponder what possessed me to compose such a mash-up of lists... know this:

I LOVE AMELIA. With all I have, with all I am... for the past thirteen years and for a lifetime to come. Happy 13th, hunny.

-jeff

On Being a Father

It is Father's day. A day of tie-gifting, card delivering and general grilling utensil accepting. Have you ever heard the saying, "Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"? Well, the lesser known corollary is, "Daddy ain't happy, ain't nobody care". Father's day always seemed to be a holiday created to give some level of balance to Mother's having their own day the month previous.

I don't want to sound too cynical, because despite it's beginnings, I look forward to it. I've been a father for 8 years now and I hear it only gets more difficult/rewarding here on out! Here is a list of things men should be aware of before becoming a father:
*Kids are one of the major causes of gray hair.
*Childrens' need for attention rises in inverse proportion to the level of interest you have in what you are doing.
*In addition to those happy times of piggy back rides at the zoo, videotaping 1st birthdays, and attending recitals, there are also times of cleaning up vomit from the carpet just outside the bathroom door, trying in vain to remove a deadly splinter from a foot after telling him 10 times to put on shoes before he went outside, having to administer an antiemitic in suppository form because they can't keep down the liquid.
*No matter how weird it may sound before you take on the title, your favorite name will be Daddy.

I've been called lots of things (to my face, and probably lots more behind my back), but my favorite name is Daddy. I love my children unashamedly, without reserve, to the point my heart feels on the verge of bursting from the love it contains. If you want to get in good with me, really fast... dote on my children.

Being a father has been my greatest adventure. My children teach me things every day. One of my daily lessons is invariably patience, a subject I fear that I must continually learn. If you want to know how you are, look at your children. They reflect you. I'm glad to say that my children are fun to be around, kind and generous to others, helpful and creative, silly and yet profound. On the other hand, they all tend to have their moments of whining, disobedience, disrespect, and stubbornness. Maybe I need to rethink my assertion....

I don't think everyone is cut out to be a father. Anyone can have a child, it is shockingly easy to do. Being a father is a task on an entirely different level. Being a father requires a man to be at once both loving and stern, level-headed and impulsive, authoritative and collaborative, flexible and unyielding. Knowing when to exhibit which trait is sometimes difficult.

Being a father makes me appreciate my own parents a little more. It has been said that the only curse that truly takes is, "I hope you have children that are just like you!" Not that I was a handful. No, I was an angel, a piece of cake, no trouble at all. Just ask my parents, they are the ones in the corner of the rubber room in the tight white jackets. All kidding aside, it is a really tough job at times. However, God has graced most parents with the ability to let the trying times fade and focus on the moments of joy.

In a drawer upstairs, I have one of the gifts I was given on a past father's day. It is a cardstock tie, cut to size and colored with green crayon (my favorite color) and decorated with random stickers. It was attached to a piece of elastic band so it could be worn. Being a father means that you wear the cardstock tie to church Sunday morning. I got more compliments on that tie than any article of clothing I've ever worn.

Being a daddy means that I'm going to be really sad the day that Ethan figures out that boys don't kiss boys. I'll miss his "kiss attacks".

In my wallet, I have a paper cutout of a key. Mary Hannah was tracing things one day and she cut it out and gave it to me. I asked her, "What is this for?" She answered, "It is the key to my heart, daddy." It is one of my most treasured possessions.

Eleanor has a spring loaded bed. I mean, she must, because she is up and out of it so many times each night, it has to be the answer. For all the frustration with getting her to go to bed and stay there, I am convinced that she gets her night-owl habits from her daddy. Some nights, after she's managed to get to sleep and then is woken up by some trifle, instead of sending her right back to bed, I'll enjoy a cuddle in the chair in the living room. Ele is the best cuddler. It takes one to know one.

Newsong has a number that connects my role as father with my relationship with God. It is called, "Your favorite name is Father". I linked a YouTube video. Check it out.









Here are some things I do with my kiddos that make me happy:
wrestling on the floor*playing on the Wii*jumping on the trampoline*coloring pictures*making French Toast*going out for Sno-Cones*running errands*hugs and kisses*combing hair after bathtime*taking pictures*shopping for mommy*singing in the car*playing in the sprinkler*reading nighttime stories*giving piggyback rides*wearing matching clothes*playing tag*being appreciative of their crafts*listening to their stories*making them laugh*cleaning out the car*taking road trips*sitting down at the dinner table with them*getting help with household tasks*picking out flowers*attending their school activities*arranging for playdates*getting haircuts*surfing the web*more hugs and kisses*


Fathers: Enjoy this day, but remember to enjoy everyday. Being a daddy is the greatest job in the world.

-jeff

Initial Impressions about the Omnipod insulin pump

At the end of May, we switched Ethan's insulin pump out and have been trying out a new type of pump. Ethan was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes in December of 2004 and has been using the Minimed Paradigm pump since spring of 2005.

All in all, we've been very pleased with the Paradigm pump. For those of you who are not familiar with insulin pumps, here is a brief description:

(image ganked from here) The pump is about the size of a pager (remember those?) or a flip phone (closed). It has a slot for a reservoir which is filled with insulin and the electronics which dictate how quickly the screw-driven pump will administer the insulin. A minimal amount of buttons on the face allow users to input blood glucose readings and adjust the dosage as needed. The pump itself is connected to the body via some tubing, through which the insulin must travel to reach the infusion site. The infusion site is a place on the body where a small canula is inserted using a disposable needle. Once the needle has placed the canula, it is disposed of, leaving the flexible plastic canula inserted in subcutaneous fat just below the skin.

As I mentioned earlier, we were pretty content with the pump, as it offered us greater control and less hassle in managing Ethan's diabetes. The high points were:
1) Typically, we only had one injection (the infusion site) every three days, which is how often we had to replace the site and reservior. Before the pump, Ethan got at least 5 shots of insulin each day, more when needed (which was frequently).
2) Whenever we did have a problem with the pump, the company, Minimed was FANTASTIC about helping us solve it. The most extreme (and impressive) case was one Friday morning, when the pump inexplicably shut down. Although we had backup supplies and were prepared to weather the weekend using syringes, Minimed jumped through all kinds of hoops to get a new pump there by the following afternoon. Unable to find an overnight delivery option, they purchased a commercial airline seat for the pump, put it on a plane and had it flown into Abilene regional airport, picked up by private courier and delivered to our doorstep within 24 hours. This was all without us pitching a fit. We were perfectly okay with waiting until Monday, but given Ethan's fragile medical history, the company decided on this action on their own.
3) Online ordering and billing was easy and we never had any problems getting supplies.

The downsides of the Paradigm pump for us were:
1) The infusion process. We tried using the quickset infusion set, but the springloaded device didn't work well for us and we had a lot of misfires that resulted in unusable supplies (when you use three sets to do one infusion, it adds up quickly). Also, it was a little painful for Ethan. So we switched to the Silhouette inserter, which worked better but required us to stick Ethan by hand using an inch and a half long needle every three days. For various reasons, the angle and depth of the infusion was different everytime, affecting the absorption of the insulin, and thus, it's effectiveness.
2) The tubing. Anytime we had a high blood glucose reading, the first culprit was the tubing. Air bubbles, kinks, and even outright disconnection from the pump while not common, were also not uncommon. Also, even though it didn't happen very often, there always remained the chance that the tubing would be caught on something and damaged or get pulled out. Admittedly, this only happened twice in the four years we used it.
3) The canula. Again, it wasn't common, but it was also not uncommon to have the adhesive wear off a bit and the canula work it's way out, delivering its payload of insulin on the surface of the skin instead of underneath. This also tended to be painful for Ethan and a source of great discomfort.

Soooooo.... when we heard about the Omnipod, we were pretty jazzed. It addressed all of the main concerns we had with the Paradigm pump. It was self-contained (no tubing) and the infusion process was precise (always delivering the canula at a 45 degree angle 1/4 an inch below the skin, every time. It is spring loaded and instead of the two-three second process that happens by hand, it happens in 1/250th of a second, minimizing the pain). Also, the pump has a window on it so you can see for sure that the canula is inserted in the skin.
(image from here)

So, after using it for almost a month, here is my review:

Overall, I'm impressed. Ethan's blood sugars have been more consistent and lower than we were able to typically manage with the Paradigm pump. The process of changing sites doesn't take as long nor is it as complicated. It seems to be less painful, according to Ethan's reactions and recovery time after site changes. He's been to Karate and been swimming with it and it functioned as promised.

Here are my concerns:
1) Adhesive. The backing that attaches the pod is not adequate. I understand that it is probably difficult to find a balance between something strong and durable enough to last for three days but weak enough to be able to remove easily and painlessly. However, it is just not up to the task of keeping up with a 6 year old boy... We've had to use medical tape (the type they use to secure IVs in hospitals. This works, but is annoying for several reasons a) we shouldn't have to take an extra step to secure it and b) the edges of the adhesive attract lint and when we remove the tape, the remnants stay on for days, despite attempts to use alcohol, acetone or other adhesive removal liquids.

2) Pod malfunctions. In four weeks, we've had two malfunctions that have required replacing the pump. Not only is it distressing to have to put Ethan through the process before the three days, but it is expensive, as well. In addtion to the expense of the pod, we are also out the insulin that is in the reservoir. Even when insurance covers it, insulin is EXPENSIVE.

3) Canula. I am glad that the window is there, but the combination of a poor adhesive and a pod malfunction left us in a high blood glucose situation for two days before we figured out that the canula never went in. After almost 24 hours of inexplicable high BG numbers, I finally gave Ethan an injection with a syringe and treated his ketones. Amelia was the one who noticed that the canula wasn't in.

4) PDA device. I know they're trying to keep expenses down, but this is just poorly engineered. The buttons are clunky and not very intuitive. The interface is too multilayered. Although it is designed to communicate wirelessly with the pump and displays the last BG reading when you activate it, that feature only works when you are within a foot of the pod. If Ethan is in another room and I'm just looking at his numbers, it takes four menus to get to his latest BG reading. Also, one of the times we had a malfunction - a communication error, the PDA instructed me to change the pod immeditely. However, my more immediate concern was to check Ethan's glucose. Because the PDA is also his glucometer, I was unable to bypass the ERROR screen and simply check his sugar. I had to dig a spare glucometer and check him (and then dose him, as he was high) before I could change the pod. There should be a manual override so you can use the PDA as a glucometer regardless of pod malfunctions. The PDA includes an onboard library of common food items and their nutritional information. This is just gimmicky. Any competent diabetic (or caregiver) will know this stuff by heart or will have access to a better source of information. Remove this function and save space, memory, or ... something.

So, am I happy we switched? So far, I think it is almost even between the two pumps. They both have strengths and flaws. I haven't interacted with Omnipod's customer service, but I need to call them and address my concerns and find out what our options are for recovering some of our expense when their product malfunctions. I'll try to keep you posted. Cheers!

Highs and Lows

I've posted a lot on diabetes recently and with good reason: having Mary Hannah's condition in the mix is a big change. Overall, her blood sugar readings have been more consistent and predictably reactive to insulin. For instance, if we give her 1 unit of insulin, her blood sugar levels respond pretty consistently by lowering her BG by about 100 points, or covering 25 carbs eaten. Ethan, on the other hand, continues to be an unpredictable roller coaster ride. 1 unit of insulin may have no immediate discernible affect on his BG or it could, who knows. We're looking forward to seeing how he responds to a new pump in a few weeks.

On the behavioral side of things, MH is still adjusting to being diabetic. Not long ago, when her after-school BG reading was really high, she admitted to having a snack at school, but instead of choosing candy, she made a healthy choice: an orange. (For those of you who are confused at this point, oranges and grapes are the two fruits with the highest natural sugar content. A 6 oz orange has about 2o carbs worth of sugar in it, versus a candy like a Jolly Rancher, which has 5 carbs).

Anyhow, I was a little concerned after learning that a few days ago. MH had a cookie at school. She'd figured out how many carbs it had and gave herself a shot to cover it. While I am glad that she is taking the initiative to learn how to do all of this for herself, I'm still not comfortable that she is attentive enough to all the complexities (how much active insulin she has in her system, whether she's been exercising, if she is ill, etc) to be able to do it all without a knowledgeable adult to oversee the procedure. So, I told her that I was proud of her for taking care of herself and that her mommy and I want her to do that, but we still want to be 100% sure that everything is exact, so in the future, if she has the opportunity to have an extra snack at school, to call one of us and verify things before she goes through with it. She agreed to do that.

Fast forward a few days: MH calls me and says, "Daddy, they had some candy at school and I wanted to have some, too. It is a Jolly Rancher and I looked it up, it has 70 carbs. Can I have it?" Now, I remember these types:
but the ones I see most often are a little smaller:

So I said, "Mary Hannah, 70 carbs is a lot of candy, are you sure?"
MH: "Yes, I looked it up."
Me: "Baby, I believe you looked it up, but 70 carbs is a lot for a snack, how about if you save it for lunch time and I'll double check it when I come to give you insulin for your lunch?"
MH: "Dadddddyyyy... please? Everyone else got one. Please? I want it."
Me: "Baby, I know you do, and I'm very glad that you called me to check, but now I need you to trust me and obey, even when you really, really want it. I think that is too much and I am not saying you can't have it, just that you can't have it right now. You need to obey me and wait for just a while."
MH: "I have to get off the phone now, daddy. Please can I have it?"
Me: "No, I'm sorry, but you really need to wait for me. I promise we'll look it up and it can be part of your dessert for lunch."
MH: (sighing) "Okay. Bye."

As it turns out, when I got to lunch, I looked it up in her Calorieking guidebook, she'd been looking at the calories, not the carbs. It was 70 calories and about 5 carbs (the small, assorted kind). If she had given herself 3 units of insulin to cover 70 carbs, her BG would have dropped 300 points. That would probably have put her into seizures or worse. >shudder< I praised her for calling me to check in, as instructed. I told her how I was proud of her for obeying me even when she REALLY wanted the candy and for trusting that I just wanted her to stay healthy. She had a good lunch and got her Jolly Rancher for dessert.

Now, for MY feelings. First, I was was a little bit afraid when she called because I was 99% certain that she'd misread the information. I was glad that we'd had the talk a few days ago about calling to verify things. My heart is both joyful and pained about the situation, though. I am so proud that she was able to obey instead of giving in to the temptation to indulge. It may not sound like a big thing to those of us who can process sugar with no side-effects (spare tires and assorted flab notwithstanding). But I am reminded of a friend who told me about a time when her adolescent son was at a camp one time and all the boys were segregated for talk about "girls and temptation". They passed out slips of paper and asked the boys to write down the thing that tempts them most. Other boys mentioned different female body parts, or flirtations. Her son wrote: "Sugar". So I'm proud that she resisted the temptation to have unauthorized sugar, the temptation to disobey her daddy. However, my heart breaks again when this stuff happens and I am reminded that my baby has to worry about something like this. I hate diabetes.

Thank you, Lord, for the abundant blessings. You surround me all day long with your love and keep my cup full to overflowing. I am assaulted by bitterness when I think about the ways that you want to bless me with diabetes. You give me an everpresent sense of reliance on you for strength. You give me empathy to reach out to other families who are stricken with chronic illness and to comfort them and strengthen them. You help me to overlook obstacles that would weigh down other families because they have not walked where you have caused us to walk. But Lord, oh, Lord... when will you take this disease away from my babies? When will you heal them of their infirmaties? I am aware of both blessing and curses, suffering and healing, but I admit, I don't always understand what I am supposed to feel about these things. Be with my children, your children, and help them grow strong in you, oh God.

Cinderella

So, the other day, Eleanor got a chance to go to the Ballet with Nana and Papa. She had a special dress that she wore and had a great time experiencing "Cinderella" Thanks, Ballet Abilene!


The next day, Ele wore her dress to church and afterwards, I got her to pose for me outside. Enjoy the photos. She is my wonderful princess.

Narcissism, Celebrity Apprentice and Me.

Recently, I read a humorous story in Time magazine by Joel Stein (LINK). It got me thinking a little about how self-involved we all are, and what part society plays into this phenomenon. Dr. Pinsky's results indicate that celebrities are more narcissistic than the general population. So, do they influence us to be more narcissistic or do we feed into their narcissism?

This got me thinking about reality shows where, despite the labeling, reality is not displayed. Between behind the scenes manipulations and producer's wrangling of the circumstances and the editing process to play up the drama and tension, I doubt we get much of a sense of the "real" person, even on reality shows. This past week's Celebrity Apprentice (LINK) was a great example of the product of narcissism in celebrities. While I have to give Joan some credit for her turnaround in her behavior toward Clint Black, her initial responses toward ANYONE that she doesn't like are grounds for dismissal if she weren't a celebrity. Her name-calling and visceral personal attacks are unwarranted and immature. Melissa Rivers seems to have been burdened by some past experiences in High School and I agree with her assessment of being blocked out by Annie and Brande, but c'mon..... how personally are you going to take that?

If you can't take losing at least as well as Andrew Dice Clay or Rodman... well, Melissa, you deserve the public lashing you'll take for your behavior. NOW..... back to the narcissism discussion... do my remarks feed back into how we "socialize" our celebrities to make them narcissistic?

Here are the DSM Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, people (or institutions) who are also "special" or of high status.
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement
6. is interpersonally exploitative
7. lacks empathy
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

I think I've witnessed at least 5 of those criteria in ALL of the Celebrity apprentice contestants at one time or another. Freud would have a field day with this crowd. And the king of them all: The Trump. Thanks for a fun, show, boss.

Take the Narcissistic Personality Inventory! Post in my comments how you did!

(I scored 14)

-jeff

In Memoriam: processing the death of a friend.

Meagan Len Holder, 1991-2009, 17 yrs

Last Thursday morning, I was making breakfast for the kids when I got the phone call. One of my kids from Gorman (a youth group I'd worked with)had been in a car wreck. She'd died en route to the hospital, in a medi-flight helicopter. I was not able to really process the information. I thanked Mr. Laminack for calling and letting me know and then I went back to cooking eggs.

Shock

That is the process by which your brain protects you from emotions that threaten to overwhelm you. Learning of the death of a loved ones typically triggers it. Over the course of the day, I began to absorb the enormity of the information. Meagan is dead. I began to go over memories I had of her. To be quite honest, I hadn't seen her for a few years. My contact with her had been limited to a few online chats or instant messages on MySpace. I knew she was excited to be a senior and was looking forward to graduating. To learned she'd been killed in a car accident... wow...

Later that morning, I got a call from her father. Despite the past 4 years of working as a chaplain at the hospital and the hundreds of families I had walked with during the final hours of a loved one's life... I didn't have any words for him. Our conversation was short, he asked me if I would be willing to speak for her at the funeral. I agreed and he said he'd let me know the details as soon as they got her body back from Ft. Worth.

In the midst of all of this, I looked to my oldest daughter, Mary Hannah. 7 years old (almost 8!). In 10 years, she will be 17, on the cusp of adulthood, ready to strike out and blaze her own trail. The following day, Friday, I was sending her with her grandparents to California. They were going to meet up with their cousins for a day at the beach and a few days at Disneyland, the ultimate memory making trip. Nana and Poppa had been planning this for months and although we were initially reluctant (a bit jealous, maybe) to let her know, we knew she would have the time of her life. This day, though, my thoughts were only on picking her up from school and holding on to her with all my strength.

I think losing a child to illness or to some random tragedy is perhaps one of the most difficult things a parent can experience. It feels more acute if you lose a child when they are young, but losing a child at any age, infant to adulthood, just feels wrong.

The funeral was very well attended. It seemed like most of the town of Desdemona, where Meagan was born and grew up, and De Leon, where she attended high school, had turned out. Many of Meagan's friends honored her by duplicating one of her trademarks: boots with the leg of the pants tucked in. Stories were shared and memories affirmed. Meagan will be missed by her friends. She'll be mourned by her family. Nothing will ever be the same for them, but in time, it will be okay again. Death does that. Here are links to her obit: CLICK HERE and to the Eulogy I delivered: CLICK HERE.

After the interment, I was waiting patiently as people came by to shake my hand and thank me for speaking for Meagan on behalf of her family. My phone rang, vibrating impatiently in my pocket. Stepping away from the funeral crowd, I saw it was my daughter calling on Poppa's phone. "DADDY! I'M IN THE OCEAN!" Without waiting for me to say more than, "hi", she shouted at me over the roar of the surf. She's never been to a beach, much less the Pacific. She told me about seaweed as big as she was and sand castles and waves and getting saltwater in her mouth. I managed to get in a few questions and exclamations before she signed off, "I gotta go, Daddy. I can't hold the phone because I'm all WET!" And then she was gone. I was smiling again. Until I turned around and saw the coffin, waiting for the crowd to leave so it could deliver it's lone passenger to her grave.

I walked back over to the Holders and asked, "Are y'all about exhausted? I'll bet you're tired of everyone telling you how sorry they are. No matter how sincere and well meaning they are, there comes a point in your grief where you really just wish everyone would love you from over there." Donald Wayne nodded. Stephanie thanked me for the eulogy and I gave Jeremy a hug. Then I took my own advice and took my leave of the family.

The drive home took an hour or so and I listened to music on my iPod. I called a girl from my Enid youth group who is also 17 and about to graduate because I felt melancholy. We chatted for a few minutes until I lost the cell signal. When I got home, Ethan and Eleanor ran to greet me at the door. "Daddy! You're home!" I wrapped them up in a big bear hug and smiled.

Meagan is still dead.

I'll be okay again soon.