It got me thinking about other things that really require me to be "all in" to have the full benefit. Like my health. I dabble in being healthy. You know... a salad here, a jog there. Look! I'm assure myself that I'm doing right by my health and wellness as I have my second helping of fries while I binge watch my 4th hour of whatever Netflix show I'm consuming.
What else? My faith. I dip my toe in the ocean of religion and then congratulate myself on my piety. I'm reminded of C.S. Lewis and his work The Screwtape Letters. An elder demon named Screwtape advises a junior demon named Wormwood on how to properly manage the humans he's been assigned. In one correspondence between the two, Wormwood is upset that his person is regularly attending worship services and asks Screwtape how to put a stop to that practice. The crafty mentor advises his junior demon not to stop his human from going to worship, but to plant the idea that just showing up on Sunday at church is all that is needed to be a righteous person. Even the demons know that dabbling is not delving.
I wear so many hats and live in a society that pulls and tugs my attention with trivialities and novelty. I want maximum return for minimum investment. Why can't I have my cake and eat it, too?
So I've been drawn to the idea that less is more. That we don't own things... but that things own us. I've embraced the counter intuitive paradox that Jesus put forth: you have to die to self so you can live in Him... in His Kingdom, the first is last and the last is first. Admitting and accepting our inefficiencies is the starting point for allowing God to lend us his strength. I have to let go of what I'm holding on to (false idol of American Church of Busyness and Activity) to take hold of what is better.
Jeff: Ok, God. Here's some of my heart and attention.
God: That's a good start, son. What else?
Jeff: Oh, um... how about my stuff... I can probably give more at church.
God: I appreciate the offer, but I don't really need your stuff.
Jeff: Of course, of course... um... what is it that you want from me?
...
God: I've been pretty clear about this.
Jeff: I know, but everything is open for negotiation, right?
God: No. I don't want what is left over. I want all of you. Your thoughts, your will, your devotion, your attention, your service, your time, your good, your bad... all of you.
Jeff: I've tried! I really have... I'm just not good at staying focused on You.
God: Keep trying. That is what I'm asking. Where you fall short, I'll pick up the slack... but you can't dabble and pick and choose how you live for me. You've got to be all in.
*sigh
So goes my ongoing conversation with God as I try to get by with as little effort as I can and still reap the maximum blessing I can take hold of. God is gracious... yay. But God is also just... yikes.
My purpose in writing this post is to highlight the self deception in which many of us take refuge. I hope you ask yourself, "In what ways to I dabble? What in my life requires all of me that I only actually give myself to partially?"
May you gain an understanding of how you dabble. And may you also be convicted to stop dabbling and start delving. May you come to know the truth that hears God saying, "I am all you need. And I require all of you."
