Do you see what I see?

Dear ______________,

I'm glad that you seem to be doing better. I enjoyed our talk today. It appears to me that you've been doing a lot of thinking about where you are and your choices and how you've reacted to things that have happened to you. I can only imagine the frustration that you feel right now, stuck in the place that you've landed. You told me that you didn't intend to end up here, but nonetheless, here you are. I asked you where you wanted to be and you didn't have an answer, or maybe you just didn't want to share that with me just yet. That's okay. As long as we keep talking, I'm sure we'll get there.

One thing confuses me, though, and I hope you can help me understand it a bit better. You seem angry about your circumstances, also a little hopeless. You mentioned that you just take life one day at a time, and react to what happens to you. I asked you about what your plans were, so that you could be more proactive and you told me that it was no use planning for things because you can't control the bad stuff that happens and it just ruins your plans anyhow. It made me sad to see that you have gotten caught in a self-fulfilling cycle. It goes like this: "I shouldn't make any plans for the future because too much can happen that would ruin my plans." Then something unexpected happens and you don't have any plans in place to mitigate the effect on you, which reinforces your belief that it does no good to plan for the future...

I can understand that from your perspective, my assertion that a lack of planning can equal an inability to dream, to see the myriad possibilities in front of you. When I told you that if you chose differently, that the outcome would be different, that probably seemed like I was talking gobbledygook.

It is like this, I feel like you are in a canyon, a ravine. You're standing at the bottom of it, seeing only two options: forward or backward. Door 1 or Door 2, each with consequences that keep you in the ravine. I'm up top, on a plain (kind of like West Texas, where you can see for miles in any direction). I call down to you and we talk about choices, but all you can see is what is in the ravine. I look around at 360 different directions I can take, choices I can make and wonder why you feel so limited. That's not really fair now, is it?

I understand why you feel so trapped. You have a need for others to see you as something. If you don't give in to the pressure from your peers, your family, you will be seen as... weak? untrustworthy? a wimp?

But what if the answer to your frustration, to your feeling stuck and trapped in your lifestyle was not forward or backward, but upward? What if you trusted me, the voice from above, who has a different perspective? You've got the basic ingredients already in the pot: discontent with where you are... motivation to change... new responsibilities that are helping you see beyond yourself to the interests of others... and you're beginning to see that when you are faced with the pressure to do something, you ALWAYS have the choice to NOT do something. I hope you can trust that I'm watching over you and I'm as close as a prayer when you need help. Despite what you've endured, I haven't forgotten you. I haven't forsaken you. My deepest desire is to open your eyes to the truth that with me, all things are possible.

Love, God.

Re-post

I usually only post my own musings and thoughts, but I appreciated this post on a friend's blog, I wanted to direct any/all my readers to this short post:

http://aministerswife.blogspot.com/2010/04/dont-make-me.html

Thanks, Caryn.

-jeff

Valuing the Gift

I read a quote from Augustine of Hippo: “It is easy to want things from the Lord and yet not want the Lord Himself, as though the gift could ever be preferable to the Giver.” and it got me thinking...

I'll bet that it is human nature to do this to each other in our relationships as well as spiritually, toward God. I immediately thought of birthdays and Christmas and all our traditions of gift-giving. When we get presents, often our focus is on the present itself and the quality of the gift. I can remember times when I was disappointed with the gift itself, my expectations exceeding my reality. However, I can't really remember a time when I even gave a thought to how I valued the giver. When it came to Christmas stuff, it was usually my parents or family who gave the gifts and there was the unspoken expectation that I would continue to love and value the person who gave the gift, so the relationship was pretty stable and secure. But, thinking about the above quote, I wonder how different my expectations would be if I took the time to think about the one giving the gift and how I do relationship with that person.

I'm at a point in my life where I don't really expect the gifts I receive to be extravagant or surprising. If I want a thing, I generally get it for myself, so all the stuff I really want is only limited by my patience and ability to pay for it. Now that I think about it, though, I am also at a point in my life where I have almost daily reminders of how I value the giver more than the gift when it comes to my kids. Yesterday, Mary Hannah brought home a craft she'd made at school. Technically, I guess it is a trivet, a ceramic hot pad for putting heated dishes on in a kitchen. It is very colorful. Not quite sure how functional it would be, but we'll probably hang on to it for it's artistic value rather than its usefulness (MH says it is an example of radial symmetry, but it looks kinda like a fruit pizza). At any rate, we oohed and aahed about it, not because it is spectacularly wonderful, useful, or beautiful, but because it came from our daughter. Definitely a case of valuing the giver and our relationship over the gift!

So, how do we do with non-tangible gifts that we give each other? For instance, the gift of shared time is one that is often undervalued and closely linked to the value we place on the giver. Early in our marriage, Amelia frequently wanted me to spend downtime in the same room as her. This was difficult because I was obsessed with a particular video game at the time and the computer was in another room. She didn't particularly want to do anything specific, she just wanted us to be together and was unwilling to sit and watch me play my game. Likewise, I was unwilling to sit and watch whatever show she was watching when my guildmates were hosting a raid! I think that situation is an example of how people perceive the gift and the giver differently. Amelia wanted me to give her the gift of shared time, but I was unwilling to do that. I wanted her to give me the gift of time to myself, but I was being selfish about it and devaluing the giver.

So, that gets me thinking about the gift of oneself. Augustine was basically saying that we place the emphasis on WHAT we are getting from God, when the true gift of God is the gift of HIMSELF. Everything that comes from being in relationship with God is just byproduct of the relationship itself. So, what if the corollary is true, that the true gifts we receive from others are just tangible pieces of what they are really offering: themselves, via relationship. There are varying levels of course. I wouldn't expect that someone who offers me a $10 giftcard for my birthday party was looking for a deep and abiding intense relationship. More likely, they are offering a passing mutual regard for each other, and that is okay. However, there are people in my life with whom I need to learn to look at our relationship itself as a gift, a gift that deserves to be valued in the highest place.

Who do you need to thank and appreciate for giving you the gift of themselves? Value both the gift and the giver at once! :)

-jeff

Need for Intuition

The Apple App Store has an offering called NFI (Need for Intuition).

The developers just revamped it an offered some new levels and I'm attempting to do a walkthrough of the ones I've figured out. Warning: there are spoilers for the levels.

First: I like this app because, without offering instructions, relies on one's intuition to figure out how to use Apple's innovative features of the iPhone to solve problems. So far, I've had to use touch, multi-touch, tapping, shaking, turning over, listening for sound and swiping in various combination to unlock the levels.

The game's latest version includes the ability to make more than one profile so that multiple users can play on the same device. It also added checkpoints so that you don't have to repeat each level in sequence to get to where you left off. Yay. That was getting annoying in the first version.

So... here are the solutions to the levels I've seen so far:

Level 1: Press the green button.
Solution: Duh. Press the green button.

Level 2: Press the green button redux
Solution: Press the green button while it is lit.

Level 3: Press the green button trifecta
Solution: Press the green button while it is lit, before it cycles.

Level 4: Foggy Mirror.
Solution: Use swipe motions to "wipe" the condensation off the mirror, revealing a Blue man next to the word: ElevatoR

Level 5: Matchbook
Solution: Use tap and hold to control the match and "strike" it on the rough element of the matchbook, causing it to ignite.

Level 6: Slingshot
Solution: Use tap and slide to "pull back" the slingshot and then release it to fire a bullet at the bird.

Level 7: Road Hazard
Solution: Tap the horn on the steering wheel repeatedly to cause the deer to move.

Level 8: Zippo
Solution: Use your finger to flick open the top of the zippo lighter. Then swipe your finger from left to right over the ignition wheel to light it.

Level 9: Toast
Solution: Use a swipe motion to move the glass on the left to the right and then use a swipe motion to move the glass on the right to the left, causing them to "clink" together.

Level 10: Champagne
Solution: Shake the iPhone until the bottle uncorks itself from the pressure buildup. Note: You may have to do this vigorously and it may take reorienting the device so that the cork is pointed up.

Level 11: Hourglass
Solution: Turn the device over so that the empty portion of the hourglass is on bottom and allow the sand to run into the empty portion.

Level 12: Fingerprint
Solution: Place your finger on the inkpad and leave it there for a few seconds. Then, pick up your finger and place it in the box on the paper to make your fingerprint.

Level 13: Combination
Solution: Note: Must have the sound on for this part. Carefully slide each part of the combination by using finger swipes until you hear a click. Once the number clicks, leave it alone and move on to the next one. When you have correctly identified the combination, the case will open. Note: The correct combination changes from game to game, so you'll have to use the technique to discover it each time.

Level 14: Snoring
Note: This amused me because you have to turn the volume up on level 13 in order to complete it, and then this level has a really annoying snoring sound the whole time, so it made me laugh, but my wife, who was trying to sleep when I got to this level threatened me if I didn't make it stop.
Solution: You must use multi-touch to cover both nostrils and the mouth for a few seconds to make him stop snoring.

Level 15: UFO
Solution: Use a swiping motion to move the targeting bracket over the UFO, then tap the camera icon in the bottom right to take a picture of it.

Level 16: Canoe race
Solution: Slide your finger along either side of the canoe to advance it along to the finish line. Alternate which side of the canoe you are swiping to avoid running into the bouys. This may take some practice to accomplish successfully.

Level 17: Tantrum
Solution: Shake your iPhone until the baby gets a tissue and stops crying. Otherwise, you'll get sneezed on! Ewww...

Level 18: Drowning.
Solution: Hold the iPhone upright and use a motion like you are casting a fishing rod to "throw" the life preserver to the drowning man. Careful, if you do it too lightly, you'll fall short and he'll drown. Do it too hard and you'll toss it past him. This level may take a few tries.

Level 19: Balloons
Solution: Not sure, my app keeps crashing every time I try this level.

Fun fun, I'll post more as I figure them out.


-jeff

Word Power

Okay, so I've been kicking around some ideas that combine a few different areas of thought for me. I think that they are complicated enough that I think I'm going to split them up into several posts to aid in comprehension (hopefully).

To start:
I love words. I'm not a word fanatic. I'm no sesquipedalian bore. Don't look to me to wax loquaciously about a subject by any means. I eschew obfuscation whenever possible. Okay, I'm just being silly. Really, though, I believe words are powerful. I believe they are formative. I believe that in some ways, we speak things into existence. Not literal, concrete things per se, but our words shape our reality.

For instance, there is a thought that our self-identities are formed at a young age. What we hear about ourselves usually shapes what we think about ourselves. You tell a kid they are a stupid, good-for-nothing and parents wonder why their kid grows up, lagging behind in school and generally getting in trouble. On the flip side, parents who tell their kids they are smart and capable generally have kids who do well and have self-confidence.

I dislike labels, except on soup cans. I see clients with labels all the time: Alcoholic, cheat, liar, depressed, etc. Labels are helpful for identification, true, but when one's identity becomes wrapped up in the label, problems follow. Words are powerful to shape our reality.

I tell clients, "Don't tell your kid that he's a bad boy. He's just a boy. He may make bad decisions or have bad behavior, but he can change those things. It is harder to change who you are." Or with another therapy couple, "Don't call him a liar. When you resort to name-calling, it is a way of making that behavior out to be something that a person is rather than something a person does. When you are angry, labeling him as a liar makes that all he is, so nothing he says after that point has any power because if he is a liar, everything he'll respond with will be doubted." Words are powerful.

Words can be positive and formative, too. Take a look at this remarkable video: (Click here to be redirected to YouTube). It is a neat, feel good film about the power of words to change perceptions.

So the second area that I've been thinking about that blends in with the first thought concerns where the power behind Words comes from. Here are my thoughts:

Start at the beginning. How do things start out? God calls everything into existence by speaking. God created the heavens and the earth... then he speaks, "Let there be light" and there was light. God speaks again and voila: Sky to separate the waters above from the waters below. God not only creates, but he names. Out of all of this creation that he sees and deems good, only one part of it is made in his likeness. What if part of being made in his likeness is tied up in our sharing the ability to, in some limited fashion, harness the power of words?

Fast forward to after the flood (Genesis chapter 11, if you care to read it). The world is once again teeming with people and they have to spread out to find space. Scripture notes that everyone had a common language and speech. Given that everyone is able to communicate effectively, they decide to do something spectacular: reach for metaphorical immortality by creating a city that reaches to the heavens. God notes their efforts and comments:
⁶ The LORD said, "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.

Wow. That is pretty amazing. So, the same All-powerful Being who, mere chapters ago, spoke the universe into existence seems to indicate that with the remarkable skill of being able to communicate, nothing they purpose to do will be impossible for them.

Pros: God seems to indicate that we could do powerful things if we use our words to build up.
Cons: With enough cooperation, we could also end up destroying ourselves.

Other thoughts on the power of words from scripture to follow...
-jeff

Dis*ap*point -verb (used with an object)

dis·ap·point
   /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪnt/
–verb (used with object)
1.
to fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of: His gross ingratitude disappointed us.


This word, this concept of disappointment has come up several times in the past few days. When something crops up like that, repeatedly, I try to give it some attention. How do you deal with people being disappointed with you? How do you deal with being disappointed by others? What does it even mean to you?

I had a client tell the other day that coming back to a therapy session was difficult because there was a fear that I would be disappointed in the client. I was a bit taken aback. I had to ask myself whether I was disappointed. The thought never occurred to me to be disappointed in my client. I reframed the thought and we moved on...

Later, I was talking with the parents of a youth and the word 'disappoint' caught my attention again. I had the privilege of being asked to baptize a teen that I'd worked with in my former role as a minister to youth in Oklahoma. Her mom told me that when talking to her daughter about being baptized, she asked, "If you know it is something you should do, why haven't you already done it?" Her daughter told her that she didn't want to be a disappointment to God. As I continued talking to the mother, I became curious what it meant to "disappoint" someone. She told me that growing up, she would rather her mother get angry at her than to be disappointed in her. I understand that concept, but I never really stopped to consider what it really meant.

With my own children, I try to avoid getting angry, or if I am, I at least try to be honest about it. Sometimes when I'm disciplining one of my kiddos, I have to wait until my anger dies down so I can think clearly and be more effective. When that happens and I'm able to talk to the whichever child it is, I have used that phrase. You know the one... "I'm very disappointed in you..." instead of "I'm very angry with you..." Before now, I thought I had a handle on what I meant, but now I'm not so sure.

Being bothered by not being sure, I started to think about what it meant to disappoint someone, or be disappointed in someone or something. Before I looked up the definition, I came to the conclusion that it had to do with 'expectations'.

If I expect something to be a certain way and the reality of that thing falls short of my expectation, I'm sure to be disappointed.
If I believe that someone expects a certain thing of me and I am unable/unwilling to meet that expectation, I'm sure to disappoint that someone.

So, really, does disappointment have to do more with perception of reality than it does with reality itself? What if I hold no expectations about a person or a situation? Does that mean I am immune to disappointment where that person or situation is concerned? Is it even really possible to hold *no* expectations?

Where this concept sticks in my craw is where it has to do with a person's perception of him or herself. How terrible is it to live with the idea that you have to meet a person's expectations of who or what you ought to be in order to not consider yourself to be a disappointment? Surprisingly I see it all the time, and not just with my therapy clients. I think it is a more pervasive problem than we like to admit.

Tonight, I wrote a message to a friend trying to explain that I was not going to add this friend to my contacts in Facebook. Note that I am being very specific in my wording in that previous sentence. I have a friend. A person that I value enough to consider a friend in real life. That friend wants to be a contact of mine on Facebook. Facebook uses the phrase, "Add this person as a friend" and creates an expectation. The unspoken phrasing is that if I do not add this person to my contact list, then somehow, that person is no longer my friend, or that I don't wish to be friends with that person. Voila! I have just disappointed my friend.
It is insidious, isn't it? How we create expectations (sometimes unwittingly, although I think the creators of Facebook did it on purpose to create this very situation) by creating perceptions that don't always reflect the reality of the situation.

In truth, not adding a person to my list of contacts on Facebook (or MySpace, or Twitter, or LinkedIn, etc) doesn't change anything. It just means I didn't add them to my contact list. It is not a venue in which I wish to interact with this particular friend. Could it mean something else? Sure. But does it?

In the situation with my children, where I use this concept of setting expectations and the possibility of disappointing me as a discipline tool... is that too manipulative? I don't think it has to be. As a parent, it is my sacred task to set clear, reasonable expectations for my children to grow and develop. I leverage my relationship with them, my love and affection for them, into behavior modification. But a parent has to be careful here, as it is easy to overdo it and create expectations that are unreasonable and leave a child feeling inadequate and unable to ever please the parent. Then they may end up in therapy later, wondering why they feel like a failure when they come home for the holidays despite their diplomas and six-figure salaries.

Perhaps I've spent too little time over the years working out how I disappoint or am disappointed by others. The more I think about it, the more I see how pervasive this idea, this concept truly is.

So, what can I do about it? First, I think it is probably a good idea to do some "meta-thinking", that is, thinking about how one thinks. Do you have reasonable expectations about things or do you always blow things out of proportion? Perhaps the opposite is true and you're too laid back and don't take things seriously enough. That is precisely the case I've seen in some pre-marital couples when they come to counseling. One member of the couple doesn't step up to the level of expectation of the other and it leads to all sorts of hidden resentment. So, step 1 is to consider your own expectations and evaluate whether they are reasonable.
Next, it is probably a good idea to think about what other's expectations are of you. Has someone set unreasonable or unachievable expectations on you that you've spent lots of time trying to live up to? How does that make you feel? Like a failure, hmmm? What if you were able to unshackle yourself from unreasonable expectations and say, "No, that is unreasonable. I refuse to be held to this unreasonable expecation." What would change in your life? In your relationships?
Let me know, would you? I'm really curious, and you don't want to disappoint your friend, do you?

Feeling like doing a survey....

It has been a while since I filled one of these out, so I thought I would just goof off a bit:

Welcome to the new 2010 edition of getting to know your family and friends. Here is what you are supposed to do, and try not to be lame and spoil the fun. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this to a bunch of people you know, INCLUDING the person who sent it to you.

Some of you may get this several times; that means you have lots of friends. The easiest way to do it is to hit 'forward' so you can change the answers or copy and paste. Have fun and be truthful!

1. What is your occupation right now? Currently, I'm working as a Case Manager for a State Funded program called STAR (Services to At-Risk youth and families). It involves going into homes and schools to do Solution-Focused Brief Therapy with adolescents and their primary caregiver(s). I really like the job, but not so much the required paperwork. I am also seeing clients in private practice at Texas Family Institute. Again, I love being a therapist. And, I've got the photography sideline that keeps me from getting overwhelmed.

2. What color are your socks right now? Black. Boring, huh? I have some socks that are more entertaining, but not enough pairs of them to wear them in rotation. For instance, my friend Beja gave me some red dress socks with black toe and heel, with little white Jolly Rogers on them. Love them.

3. What are you listening to right now? Ugh... a mix of odd noises. Down the hall, the kids have a CD player with children's tunes that they like to listen to as they go to sleep. In the living room, Amelia is watching IQ, a movie that she knows by heart. Of course, there is the clickety-click of the keys as I type... Music wise? Well, I've been collecting albums of Reliant K.

4. What was the last thing you ate? We had dinner at a friend's house and they served Mesquite smoked chicken. It was Delish!

5. Can you drive a stick shift? My first car, Bob (1983 Honda Accord) had a manual transmission. Before I had Bob, I had to learn to drive my Dad's 1987 CJ-7 Jeep. I love shifting and miss our cars that had stick shifts. :(

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? I think I called Amelia to let her know that I needed to stay with Mary Hannah at a Girl Scout Cookie sales booth instead of just dropping her off. One of the other adults who was supervising had to run an errand so I stuck around and sold a truckload of cookies.

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I'm not going to mention whose note I copied this from, but suffice it to say that I haven't spoken to or interacted with this person in a while, it just happened to be in my "note feed" when I went looking for a survey to fill out.

8. How old are you today? I'm 33 as of today. Interestingly, we had Eleanor's (my youngest daughter) birthday party today. She turns 5 years old next week.

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? Probably football. I'm not a big sports person, so I don't have any favorites (teams, sports). Football is the one that I watch most often when I watch something. I can't remember ever watching an complete event of another sport on TV, now that I think about it.

10. What is your favorite drink? I've gotten to know several drinks recently. A friend gave me a two-cup coffee maker for a graduation present and I've been using it to brew single cups of Tea, Chai Spice Tea. Then I put in some vanilla chai creamer for a double chai kick. It is great. My favorite juice is grape juice. Given a choice of soft drinks, I prefer Vanilla Coke. I'm not a big fan of much alcohol, but when I do imbibe, I like fruity drinks where you can't really taste the alcohol much.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Not permanently. I've done some youth events where we played around with spray in color, but it all washes out.

12. Favorite food? Potatoes. Bake 'em, Fry 'em, Put 'em in a stew. Seriously, I'm a big fan. My favorite is probably the way they prepare them in Europe, particularly in Belgium, where I used to live. Pommes Frites mit Curry Katsup. My absolute fave.

13. What is the last movie you watched? In the theater? Avatar in 3D, or, as Amelia and I jokingly dubbed it: Fern-hontas, by Gully (A mash up of Pocahontas and Fern Gully, two movies with almost identical plots)

14. Favorite day of the year? I don't know that I have a favorite day. I have favorite times: When I have time to relax and travel or be with friends and family. So holiday times are nice (except when they involve a lot of stress and planning)

15. How do you vent anger? I don't get very angry and when I do, I'm generally just grumpy at people for a while... Amelia says that I usually talk about it in a generally annoying therapeutic way.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? I remember that I had a lot of Star Wars toys for a while as a young child. Don't recall a particular favorite... perhaps I should ask Mom or Dad if they remember one specifically. For a while, I did carry around a stuffed Ewok doll.

17. What is your favorite season? I like colder weather, generally, but I also appreciate springtime.

18. Cherries or Blueberries? Cherries, I think. For a while in Germany, we lived in a house that was adjacent to a cherry orchard.

19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? If the email requires a response, sure. Most of the emails I send do get replied to. However, I'm a bigger fan of having people comment on my statuses and notes (hint, hint). :)

20. Who is the most likely to respond? No idea. In fact, I'm not a fan of this question in every survey. Fill the survey out for the survey's sake, people. Don't try to predict who will validate your efforts by returning the survey.

21. Who is least likely to respond? See answer above.

22. Living situation? Finally in a rental house with just the four others in my immediate family. We're loving it.

23. When was the last time you cried? I'm actually a sympathetic crier and find myself tearing up sometimes with my clients when they are processing something difficult. For my own emotional release, I think the last time I cried was thinking about my kiddos and diabetes and the unfairness of it all.

24. What is on the floor of your closet right now? Unopened boxes of organizational apparatus, a lock box with personal papers. It is probably the least cluttered room of my house.

25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending to? I don't know that I'll tag anyone for this note when FB finally imports it from my blog.

26. What did you do last night? Hung out with the family. My last client was at 4pm and then I came home and had dinner and cleaned house a little and just hung out. Great friday night.

27. What are you most afraid of? People finding out how insecure I am. I sometimes feel like I'm just a breath away from people seeing me as a failure. Mostly, I know that this is not very true, but sometimes it sneaks up on me and tries to get me to buy into the lie.

28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? I heart hamburgers... all varieties.

29. Favorite dog breed? Mid-sized ones that are friendly without being threatening.

30. Favorite day of the week? Thursday

31. How many states have you lived in? I've resided in more than a few, but the ones I have memories of living in: Texas, Oklahoma, Florida. When I was very young, my parents lived in several others with us kids, but I don't have many memories of those stays. However, I have lived in several countries as well, with my father being in the USAF. Athens, Greece; Kaiserslautern, Germany; Klein Brogel, Belgium have all been places that I've called home.

32. Diamonds or pearls? I like all the Pokemon sets :) (You have Ethan to thank for this silly response)

33. What is your favorite flower? Don't really have a favorite to look or smell, but my favorite to say is "Chrysanthemum"

34. Favorite place traveled? Germany. I would love to go back to central Europe and travel more.

35. What do you do for fun? I like to play with photographs, play board and role playing games, spend time with friends and family, cook, read, goof off on the internet, watch movies...

36. Dream job? Playtester for a game company

37. if you could travel in time what would you do? Visit different time periods, strictly to observe.

38. Have you met your “soul mate”? Jesus! :)

39. Most bizarre thing you’ve done? I decided to be the person that God created me to be. This is bizarre mainly because I think that many people never do it, so it makes me special.

40. Favorite thing about yourself? I like to think that I try to see the best and believe the best about a person, even if I don't particularly like them or enjoy their company.

End of survey. -jeff