Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Rituals


My favorite Christmas gift this year was not found at Best Buy.  Several days before Christmas, I was told that my presence at Nana's house would not be appreciated.  Apparently the kids were hard at work painting and preparing the letters for a present they wanted me to have.  It was a simple block of wood, painted matte black with letters that spelled out a simple message: "I love you... more".  Like most precious gifts, the value to me is not in the price of the wood, or the effort that went into mounting the letters.  Rather, the gift is in the symbolism. 

"More" is the name of a song by Matthew West.  It is part of a ritual I have with my kids.  We often exchange the endearment, "Love you!" when taking leave of each other and it grew into a kind of send off every morning when I drop them off at school:
Me: Bye, kids.  Learn a lot today!  I love you!
Ethan: I love you, too!
MH: I love you, more!
Ele: ... than the sun...
Me: ... and the stars...
MH: ... That I taught how to shine...
Ethan: ... you are mine, and you SHINE for me, too!

and on and on till we've sung out the chorus to each other.  So, this present they made for me is more than just a cute remembrance.  It is evidence to me that I have succeeded in impacting my children with a ritual.  This will be a "my dad used to say this to me all the time" kind of thing for the rest of their lives.  When they hear the song on the radio, they'll think of this connection and know they are loved.

Rituals are important for families.  For some, sitting down to a family meal is a ritual that binds them together.  Vacations, road trips, traditions, they can all be sorts of rituals.  I think of the sacred rituals that connect us at church: the singing, the prayers, the sharing of the Lord's supper.  Our congregation has a ritual where we close each worship service by singing, "Doxology".

Parents, if you don't have some sort of "I love you" ritual with your children, I urge you to develop one.  They help to deepen our children's sense of attachment and belonging to family and are part of a healthy way to build emotional safety in the family.  A child's sense of self-worth and identity are formed, in large part, by the relationships from their family of origin.  I can't think of a better gift that we can bestow upon our children than a deep and long lasting sense of being loved and cared for.  Maybe, it'll mean so much to them, they'll make a plaque to commemorate it. >grin<

-I love you, dear reader... more.

-jeff

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

C.O.P.s

In our Bible class the other day, we had an interesting discussion about 2 Corinthians 3.  In that chapter, Paul the Apostle is talking about how one goes about getting known by others.  He rhetorically suggests that some sort of 'letter of recommendation' is the worldly standard.  However, those who are in Christ, he asserts, don't need some letter written in ink.  No, those are insincere and easy to fake.  A follower of Christ should have the Spirit of God writing spiritual information on those that we are surrounded by.  In effect, those who know us ARE our living letters of reference for those who do not know us.  And it is not ourselves, but GOD who writes about us on to others' hearts, when we are walking in the spirit.

Wow... what a heady thought.  The passage emphasizes the difference between the outward and the inward.  The written Law vs. the inward changes of the human heart, shaped by God's spirit.  So, as the Bible class was wrapping up, the facilitator mused something to the effect of, "I wonder what it would take for us to really incorporate this type of living.  To be totally infused, taken over, changed by this idea so that every moment of our lives allows us to be that aroma of Christ..."  Immediately, I knew the answer to her question.

There are a few situations in our lives that, ideally, should change how the think, act, and feel about life.  Worldview changing events that usually happen suddenly.  For instance, getting married ought to be one of those events.  Done right, the marriage relationship reshapes how one thinks, acts and feels.  From "I do" onward, every waking moment, every decision will now be filtered through a new filter.  Married persons should throw away the "What is best for me" filter and be prepared to use the "What is best for us" filter from here on out.  That is... until one has children.  Then, the world shifts again.  Or it should, anyhow.

Anyhow, my point is... those events become what I have termed, "Central Organizing Principles".  The fact that a person has become married means that he/she should no longer consider him/herself as an individual, but as a unit.  You don't have to throw away the 'self', but you DO have to incorporate your "other" into your oneness, or things are bound to go wrong.  Every decision made will be made with the new situation in mind.  If a person goes around making decisions based on the old standard of simply 'self'... see how long that organizing principle works for you.

Sometimes, people are blessed/cursed with other life situations that become COPs for them.  Just ask anyone who has ever been in a debilitating accident and lost a limb.  Everyday, they have a physical reminder of what has changed for them.  For my family, we had a COP enter our lives in December of 2004, when my 18 month old son was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.  Quick recap for those who don't know: Type 1 is different than Type 2.  It is an autoimmune disorder where one's body attacks one's pancreas and basically shuts it down, preventing your body from making the hormone: insulin.  Without daily injections of artificial insulin, a Type 1 diabetic will die within days.

So, our lives began to be shaped by this COP, diabetes.  We don't eat a bite without being aware of how much insulin to give.  We don't leave the house without supplies to manage diabetes: insulin pump, extra syringes, candy for quick sugar boosts, ketone strips, apple juice, etc.  We don't sleep without checking blood sugar levels.  We buy clothing based on what is comfortable to wear over the insulin pump so not too many people will notice it.  We don't go on dates without knowing that someone who is knowledgeable about diabetes will be watching the kids.  Although it isn't real to them just yet, diabetes will eventually have a say in who they choose to marry because it takes a special someone to deal with the added stress and health risks; my oldest daughter, who was also diagnosed with T1 just a few years ago, will also have to worry about whether to have children because of the added complications of her diabetes.  It doesn't go away, but it does fade into the background.  It is normal for us to check blood sugars before we eat... our COP has become normal for us and, thankfully, it is not often that we feel oppressed by it.

But, as I considered the question from my Bible class, it struck me that the Apostle Paul was writing about how Christ should be the COP, the Central Organizing Principle in the lives of those who claim to follow him.  One's decision to follow Christ should be a commitment that is life altering and should permeate every aspect of one's being.  What we eat, what we wear, how we treat others, even how we THINK of others... who we marry, how we do what we do, how we take care of our health... That is why I said earlier that some people are blessed/cursed by other situations that become COPs for them. 

In one line of thinking, it is certainly a curse.  I wouldn't wish diabetes (or any other chronic illness or debilitating accident) on anyone.  However, there is a lot of redemption that goes on for those who are willing to view it as a blessing.  Diabetes has taught my family to be strong in many ways.  Diabetes makes us rely on each other more, look out for each other, be more aware of each other's limits and abilities.  Diabetes has forced us to rely on God's blessings of family and friends, and in doing so, has exposed us to the influence of some amazing people.  As much as I would willingly and immediately throw off the oppressive influence of diabetes as a COP, I am grateful for the effect it has had in drawing us nearer to the heart of God.

My desire is to allow the influence of the Spirit of God to become more of a Central Organizing Principle in my life and in the life of my family.  Unlike diabetes, which forced it's way in... God waits to be invited in.  Once he receives that invitation, he begins to write my life on the hearts of others with whom I am in a relationship.  I hope to expand my portfolio of 'letters of reference' as God's love becomes my central organizing principle.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Do you see what I see?

Dear ______________,

I'm glad that you seem to be doing better. I enjoyed our talk today. It appears to me that you've been doing a lot of thinking about where you are and your choices and how you've reacted to things that have happened to you. I can only imagine the frustration that you feel right now, stuck in the place that you've landed. You told me that you didn't intend to end up here, but nonetheless, here you are. I asked you where you wanted to be and you didn't have an answer, or maybe you just didn't want to share that with me just yet. That's okay. As long as we keep talking, I'm sure we'll get there.

One thing confuses me, though, and I hope you can help me understand it a bit better. You seem angry about your circumstances, also a little hopeless. You mentioned that you just take life one day at a time, and react to what happens to you. I asked you about what your plans were, so that you could be more proactive and you told me that it was no use planning for things because you can't control the bad stuff that happens and it just ruins your plans anyhow. It made me sad to see that you have gotten caught in a self-fulfilling cycle. It goes like this: "I shouldn't make any plans for the future because too much can happen that would ruin my plans." Then something unexpected happens and you don't have any plans in place to mitigate the effect on you, which reinforces your belief that it does no good to plan for the future...

I can understand that from your perspective, my assertion that a lack of planning can equal an inability to dream, to see the myriad possibilities in front of you. When I told you that if you chose differently, that the outcome would be different, that probably seemed like I was talking gobbledygook.

It is like this, I feel like you are in a canyon, a ravine. You're standing at the bottom of it, seeing only two options: forward or backward. Door 1 or Door 2, each with consequences that keep you in the ravine. I'm up top, on a plain (kind of like West Texas, where you can see for miles in any direction). I call down to you and we talk about choices, but all you can see is what is in the ravine. I look around at 360 different directions I can take, choices I can make and wonder why you feel so limited. That's not really fair now, is it?

I understand why you feel so trapped. You have a need for others to see you as something. If you don't give in to the pressure from your peers, your family, you will be seen as... weak? untrustworthy? a wimp?

But what if the answer to your frustration, to your feeling stuck and trapped in your lifestyle was not forward or backward, but upward? What if you trusted me, the voice from above, who has a different perspective? You've got the basic ingredients already in the pot: discontent with where you are... motivation to change... new responsibilities that are helping you see beyond yourself to the interests of others... and you're beginning to see that when you are faced with the pressure to do something, you ALWAYS have the choice to NOT do something. I hope you can trust that I'm watching over you and I'm as close as a prayer when you need help. Despite what you've endured, I haven't forgotten you. I haven't forsaken you. My deepest desire is to open your eyes to the truth that with me, all things are possible.

Love, God.