Forgiveness and YOU

The broken soul sat on my couch and cried. She told me of an interaction with a friend who had reminded her of a past transgression. "You've got to take responsibility for what you did. Quit acting like you are the victim and realize that there were others who were hurt by what you did!" The broken soul protested, "I don't know what I was supposed to say... I know I did wrong, but I thought things were getting better. I thought I was doing better. But all it took was that one thing to make me feel this big (she gestures with her thumb and index finger close together)! How long will it be until this doesn't hang over me any more?"

I stayed quiet, trying to think of how to reframe the interaction. I had no doubt that the broken soul was trying with everything she had, to make things right again. "Do you feel like you haven't been forgiven?" She shrugged. "Have you forgiven yourself?" She stares blankly at me. She says, "I don't know. What if they are right? I thought I was doing better, but I guess I'm not. I have prayed about it. I can't tell you the number of times I've prayed over and over that God would forgive me..."

My question for you, dear reader... how many times should one have to ask God to be forgiven? If we ask once, in faith, should we not expect to receive it? If we pester God with shows of deep remorse, it is more convincing? I mean, after all, He does know our hearts, right? So he should be able to see inside us whether we are really, really sorry for what we've done, no?

I'm interested in how Christians view forgiveness, both from God and from others and from themselves. In the Old Testament, there is the expectation that in order to receive forgiveness from sin, a sin offering is made. A sacrifice is offered and blood is spilled. The death of an unblemished animal was a required prerequisite in order to gain divine forgiveness. Jesus changed all that. The Son of God, himself an unblemished innocent, was offered up in sacrifice so that his blood would satisfy the requirement. It was done, once, for all. Christ's death changed it all... now forgiveness is freely offered to all.

So... with that in mind, let's talk about forgiveness. The way I see it, it is a package deal. When we accept the forgiveness offered by the blood of Christ, we enter into a holy covenant. Not only do we receive forgiveness, we also receive redemption, reconciliation and renewal. Forgiveness means we are no longer culpable for the guilt of our sin, nor the shame. Forgiveness means we are also gifted with a peace that transcends earthly understanding.

Now, I want to be certain to point out that receiving forgiveness does not erase consequences of sin, just guilt. If we really understand that God doesn't require us to ask for forgiveness in order to offer it, we would feel silly about asking again and again for what he has already given. The broken soul I mentioned earlier might feel differently toward her friend if she understood and accepted this forgiveness. I imagine the conversation would have gone differently if she had the peace that comes along with a removal of guilt and shame.

Friend: You need to stop whining about the bad stuff that YOU caused and admit that you did something wrong and quit denying it.
Broken Soul: (calmly) You are correct. What happened was a terrible thing and I have many regrets. I am dealing with the fallout of those actions right now and could use all the support I could get.
Friend: Well, 'the fallout' would never have happened if you hadn't done what you did!
Broken Soul: (unruffled) I hear what you're saying, and although I regret those things, I'm looking for ways to make things right nowadays. I am not doing those things anymore, and that should be evidence that I am trying to turn things around. Things won't ever by the same again, but I trust that, with God in charge, things can be okay again.

What a difference it would make if we could face that sort of criticism with peace instead of anxiety and guilt. My assertion is that instead of wondering whether God has forgiven us, we ought to consider whether we have forgiven ourselves.

Jesus tells the parable of unmerciful servant (Matt 18:21-35) where he acknowledges that we have difficulty with forgiveness. Peter asks a pretty Pharisaical question: how many times should we forgive someone who wrongs us? Jesus uses hyperbole to answer him: Seventy times seven! (Read: as many times as is needed). So we get a sense of how we ought to forgive each other from this passage. Elsewhere, we are told that our forgiveness of others is a prerequisite for God forgiving us (Mark 11:25). But the Bible doesn't really help us out much on the issue of how to forgive ourselves.

I believe that we can walk more closely to Him when we consider that when we are in relationship with Christ, forgiveness is a daily process. The sin I committed last week was atoned for on the cross. The sin I will commit next week was atoned for on the cross. Not that I continue to sin so that I can continue to receive forgiveness! (Romans 6:1-2) What I mean is that more than wanting me to live in the swamp of depression and guilt and shame because I constantly need to be forgiven, Jesus calls us to right living and repentance.

Me: So, let me recap: You've told me what you are doing to turn things around and be the person that God has called you to be. You've stopped the behavior you were guilty of and are actively trying to do right?
Broken soul: Yes, of course! I feel like I've been trying so hard.
Me: So, if God has forgiven you, and you are answering his call to repent (live differently than before, in accordance with the Spirit), why do you keep asking to be forgiven?
Broken Soul: (shrugs) I guess I don't trust God enough.
Me: Could it be that Satan is distracting you by causing you to be caught up in the guilt and shame that were actually removed long ago? Satan doesn't have to get us to keep sinning. Sometimes he just has to convince us that we aren't forgiven in the first place.

Questions to ponder:
*When does Christ's forgiveness kick in?

*What is impeding your ability to forgive yourself, as God forgives you?

* How should Christians respond to others who seek to pull us back into guilt and shame of a sin that has already been atoned for? With anxiety and self-doubt OR with peace and confidence in the power of the blood of Christ?


And now... may you experience the freedom and peace that accompanies true forgiveness through the blood of Christ Jesus.

-jeff

Yeah, but are you sorry?

I used to get together once a week with a group of men from my church for a time of reflection and prayer. Our purpose was to have an open forum to be able to share our struggles, confess our sins, encourage each other and just shoot the breeze. I apprecitated the open, honest time that I was able to share with these brothers in Christ. At the time, I was a minister and it was nigh unto impossible to be able to have a forum to take off the "minister" mask and unload. Too often, congregations put their preachers and ministers under a standard to which they don't hold anyone else, including themselves. A minister may have struggles with his faith, but he'd better not show it to the congregation. We expect our preachers and ministers to be better than we are. We might struggle with various sins or temptations, but they aren't allowed to. In fact, on those occasions when a minister has been caught in a sin or succumbed to a temptation, anything from financial mismanagement to sexual sin, the church's reaction is quite un-Christlike. I'm not opposed to removing a minister from a position of authority when his judgement is called into question. However, most of the time, the church's reaction to a minister's (public) sin is not one of gracious concern and desire for forgiveness. There is no forgiveness and continuing relationship with those men who have betrayed our trust and faith. There is only sending them away, in shame, to be somebody else's problem. Anyhow, I'm just trying to help you understand the tremendous pressure that most ministers labor under.

So, anyhow, my Friday morning prayer time with this group was precious to me. One day, I was moved to share a thought with them. I want to share it now with you, because it was a watershed moment for me and I suspect that many people would benefit from hearing, understanding, and applying this train of thought to themselves.

First, more self-disclosure... You probably wouldn't think of it to look at me now, but I got around a bit when I was in high school. Come to think of it, when I was in high school, most people probably didn't think of me as being as worldly as I was. I was sneaky. I didn't get caught being naughty, so everyone assumed that I was pretty good. When the time came for me to choose where I was going to go for college, I decided to move away from Lubbock and start again where no one knew me in Abilene. My reason was mostly, that I was pretty ashamed of the behavior and reputation that I was getting in Lubbock (at least, my perception) and I thought that I could just move on and start over at a new place. So that is just what I did. I moved, got involved with school, a new church, decided on a Bible major at ACU and then got married, graduated and started a career. So, here I was, years later, as a minister. I remember just days before, working with my teens in the youth group and trying to help them see the dangers of loose living. I never told them just how bad I'd been, but I told them enough to let them knew that I knew that if they were typical teens, they probably thought that they were being sneaky and no body knew that they: listened to inappropriate, ungodly music; drank alcohol; partied inappropriately; smoked; engaged in sexual behavior; experimented with just how far they could "sin" without it being "too far". I was able to relate to them and hopefully gave them something to think about... they weren't really getting away with anything. God knows it all. That is one of his little tricks, you know.... the whole omniscient, omnipresent thing he does.

So anyhow, I went to bed that night, feeling pretty good that I'd been able to come through those "sinful" experiences and still be of use to God. I mean, hadn't he brought me to this place and given me a ministry and people to minister to? I turned out alright (again, in my perspective), despite all my sinful dabblings. Suddenly, I felt that I had been moved by the Spirit to examine myself. I realized that I had held on to those memories of the sin I'd indulged in. I thought about them from time to time, fondly. I didn't long for them, don't get me wrong... it was just that I'd never really repented of them. It was as if I thought somewhere, deep down, that it was ME that overcame them. *I* decided to give them up and start a new life in Abilene. It was my will and effort that let me turn down offers and decide to make a change in my life.... but I never once felt sorry for my sin. I never once stopped to think about how my sin affected me. I never once stopped to consider how my sin continued to affect my relationship with Christ. It occurred to me that in addition to shame, I should have felt remorse. But I didn't, not really. I wasn't sorry for the consequences for the other's I'd sinned with. I never acknowledged God's role in helping me break free. So, in a way, I hadn't made such a clean break after all. I'd not been broken by my sin, because I still carried it with me. I had yet to give it to Christ. When I re-lived those sins in my mind, I committed them again and again. The Spirit's conviction to me that night was made manifest in deep sorrow and remorse. Finally, years after I thought I'd given those things up, I finally laid them at the cross and actually *asked* to be forgiven. I finally repented of them and recognized the hurt I'd inflicted on the person of God. It was as if I'd been proud of my ability to overcome and denied the work of the cross all those years.

So, one Friday morning, I shared that realization with my dear friends and they wept with me. I don't deny the power of Christ's blood to forgive those sins, even if I'd never come to that realization. However, I do believe that those sins hindered my ability to truly reflect Christ in my person. That day, it became less about me and more about Him. The next time I had an opportunity to disclose my experience, I would be able to speak about the power of Christ in my life, and not the power of Jeff.

I hope I was able to get my point across by sharing this with you. You may have stopped committing a particular sin, but unless you've really recognized the power it had over you and experienced godly sorrow, I'm willing to say that you haven't really been transformed. It still has power over you in the form of misplaced pride in your own ability to overcome.

Here's hoping for grace to swoop in and free you. Cheers.
-jeff