re*la*tion*ship - what it really means

There are many ways to define the word, "relationship". To many, the connotation it brings to mind is that of the association between a male and a female, that is to say, a romantic relationship. However, if you stop to think about it, the word 'relationship' is much less emotionally connected that one would suspect. For instance, when my cell phone is sitting on the table, they are in relationship to one another. The function of the table is to keep my phone at an elevation above the floor. The function of the phone is to utilize the table, giving it a purpose other than decoration. See? They have a relationship.

Here is a more workable definition of the word 'relationship': 'Relationship' is a word we use to describe how two or more entities interact and influence each other.

Using this understanding, we can see that the phone and the table are 1) interacting and 2) exert influence on each other. These two concepts are not mutually exclusive. One cannot be in relationship to the other without interacting and each is mutually influencing and being influenced by the other.

I used a mundane example in order to highlight that very concept, so that I could make an application to the idea of human relationships. If it is true that things (people) in relationship, by definition are interacting and influencing... what does that mean for us? Even when we are not communicating, that our non-interaction is actually a form of interaction and that it influences each party in one way or another. By extension, even people who do not directly appear to be interacting, if they are in relationship with even ONE person who is involved with another person, they will be influenced, by proxy. Confused? I hope not. However, this simple concept has some profound implications.

One thought I heard expressed from a divorcing couple: "This is between me and their mother (me and their father), it shouldn't affect the kids." How naive!

A thought I've heard from an individual who'd been dumped, "I don't know why this continues to bother me so much... I thought I'd moved on!" Remember, even non-interaction can be a form of interaction, which exerts influence.

Even professed indifference is actually still affected by and affects us: "I don't care if she likes me or not! I'm her mother and I'm going to do what is best for her!" To say it differently, when you don't think it matters, it does. The degree to which it influences us may vary, but not the fact that it does indeed influence us.

Give it some thought: ask, "How do I interact with (X) and what ways to we influence each other?" It might surprise you to see how interconnected everything is.

A quick internet search about this concept provides this link with a great real-world example of an unhealthy dynamic in relationships: collusion. The author of the blog deals with it really well, though. Click HERE to visit Collusion: What's Your Payoff? on thestepmomstoolbox.com

-jeff