Things and stuff

Found a list on Pinterest from a blogger who challenges us to leave interesting tidbits about ourselves for posterity.  (http://cherishinghopesanddreams.blogspot.com/2012/01/30-things.html)

Here goes:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself:

1. I think Oreos are the perfect cookie.  Not Double Stuft.
2. I was voted "Most flirtatious" in my senior class.
3. My friends and I used Tolkien's "Tengwar" runes from LOTR in 6th grade to send coded messages.
4. My favorite vegetable is the potato, in all it's delicious forms.
5. Although I'll willing suspend my disbelief about radioactive spiders bestowing super powers on unsuspecting geeks, Ghostrider's backstory just annoys me.
6. I am missing a clump of eyelashes on my upper right eyelid from chicken pox when I was young.
7. I learned to French Kiss at church camp.
8. My "Love Language" is Acts of Service. ( a great book, btw.  Worth owning - see below for link) 
9.  Sandra Bullock is my celebrity crush.
10. I think I could be happy permanently traveling.
11. My youngest daughter's middle name is a tribute to my best friend.
12. On the list of things I never want to do: skydive, scuba dive, take a dive.
13. When asked to describe myself in one word, I like to say, "ineffable"
14. Teleportation is the super power I would chose, if such a choice were mine.
15. To stay awake while driving on long trips, I sometimes buy a lotto ticket and then daydream about how I would spend the winnings (no luck so far)
16. I want to someday become proficient in hypnosis, for therapeutic purposes.
17. One of my favorite Bible verses is Ephesians 2:10 
18. I played the MMORPG "Everquest" off and on for about 6 years.  At my most invested, I played about 25-40 hours per week.
19. Sometimes I miss dating.  Then, I get a new couple in my office for relationship counseling and I don't anymore.
20. It took me over 25 minutes to come up with 20 random facts about myself.

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

1. Inadequacy.  I think deep down, most people feel inadequate at times.  This became a legitimate fear for me after I was 'let go' from several ministry positions by the church leadership at various congregations, despite popular support from the congregation members.
2. Losing my sight or hearing.  I suffer from a significant hearing loss in my left ear, and sometimes think about losing either of those senses causes me to have anxiety.
3. Being alone.  Not loneliness.  I actually enjoy downtime where I can rest and rejuvenate away from people, but being disconnected from family and community are things that I don't enjoy.  When I contemplate some things that I regret and the potential fallout, this becomes a real fear (though I doubt it would ever turn out how I imagine the worst case scenarios)

3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
     I feel connected to both of my parents, but I feel like the connection has changed since they divorced several years ago and I am not certain how to describe it now.  I love both of them and feel loved and cared for by both of them, in their own ways.

4.  List 10 things you would tell your 16 year old self, if you could.

1. You know less than you think you know.
2. Work harder at developing better habits (punctuality, eschew procrastination)
3. Guard your heart better
4. Respect your future self enough to behave well in the present
5. Don't slack off so much in your senior year
6. Putting down roots is okay
7. Thank you for not engaging in smoking, drinking or drug use like so many of your peers did
8. Develop some financial savvy and learn what a budget is
9. It is okay to be a kid, don't rush into adulthood.
10. Good job.

5.  What are the five things that make you the most happy right now?

1. My family (wife, kids)
2. My career (doing what I love)
3. God's grace (without it I'd be ... ugh... don't even want to think on it)
4. Helping others heal and grow (I get my energy from this)
5. Optimism about the future.

6.  What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
     Being honest with myself about my own failings.  The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves.

7.  What is your dream job and why?
     I used to joke that my dream job would be "a playtester for Sony or Nintendo", but I really, really, really enjoy being a therapist.  I am currently in private practice and so far, it is a good experience, overall.

8.   What are 5 passions you have?

1. Knowing God and being known
2. Being the best husband/father I can be to my family
3. Growing in my skill and experience as a therapist to be an influence in my community
4. Teaching others things that help them grow and heal
5. Knowing stuff (trivia, minutiae)

9.  List 10 people who have influenced your life and describe how.

1. My family of origin has obviously influenced my life in myriad ways, from my birth order to the fact that I was the only boy, to the fact that we moved a lot in the military.  I remember that when I was very young (4 or 5), a house in our neighborhood burned down.  Despite having a household of 7 people already, we offered our home to that family for a few days till they could work out other arrangements.  
2. Mrs. Snelling, my 4th grade teacher.  Taught me that "stuff" was a 4th grade word and helped me reengage in school.
3. O.W. Smith (Dub), was an elderly gentleman I knew while I was in High School.  He was a member of our congregation at church and was very encouraging to me.
4. Many of my high school teachers were more than educators for me, but functioned as role models and encouragers: Mr. Franklin, Mrs. Bennett, Ms. French(Barber), Coach Lawrence, and many others.
5. Jim McKeever, my regional manager at my first out-of-college job: Enterprise Rent-a-car was a big influence on me.  Specifically, he influenced me to not want to be employed by ERAC and to seek a career elsewhere.  I learned a lot during my time at ERAC which I appreciate, but my negative experience with McKeever's personality wasn't part of what I appreciated.
6. Again, a list of many people from the churches I attended and served in ministry: Karl King, The Hoopers, The Turners, The Loomis's, The Washburns, The Longs, The Hugabooms... and many others.  Sharing hearts, lives and hurts brings people together in so many ways.
7. My graduate school experience brought be in contact with amazing educators and mentors: Drs. Halstead, Milholland, Goff, Hinson... the adjunct supervisors and my own amazing cohort all shaped me as I grew through that experience.
8. My college buddies: Jay, Scott, Jeff... continue to be positive influencers though we don't get to see each other much these days.
9. My amazing wife, Amelia, has loved, stretched, encouraged, challenged and grounded me for the last 17 years and daily reminds me of God's lovingkindness and undeserved grace.
10. Likewise, my children: Mary Hannah, Ethan and Eleanor all continue to shape me daily and they teach me how to be the father God has called me to be for them.

10. Describe  your most embarrassing moment.
     In general, I dislike any directive which asks me to qualify something as my "Most _______" because I feel differently about experiences and favorites as I grow and change.  I will share a memory that no longer embarrasses me, but at the time was mortifying.  Dad used to have to serve a post which required him to be away overnight on military duty.  On those nights, us kids used to try and get some one-on-one time with mom.  I remember answering her questions about how I was feeling about school and life and such and confessing that I was starting to grow up, getting hair under my arms and "down there".  A while later, I overheard Mom sharing my confidential confession with some other grown up ladies and characterizing it as "so cute".

This challenge has 30 topics, but I've been working at it for over an hour and it is late, so I am afraid the rest will have to wait.

Cheers!
-jeff

Valuing the Gift

I read a quote from Augustine of Hippo: “It is easy to want things from the Lord and yet not want the Lord Himself, as though the gift could ever be preferable to the Giver.” and it got me thinking...

I'll bet that it is human nature to do this to each other in our relationships as well as spiritually, toward God. I immediately thought of birthdays and Christmas and all our traditions of gift-giving. When we get presents, often our focus is on the present itself and the quality of the gift. I can remember times when I was disappointed with the gift itself, my expectations exceeding my reality. However, I can't really remember a time when I even gave a thought to how I valued the giver. When it came to Christmas stuff, it was usually my parents or family who gave the gifts and there was the unspoken expectation that I would continue to love and value the person who gave the gift, so the relationship was pretty stable and secure. But, thinking about the above quote, I wonder how different my expectations would be if I took the time to think about the one giving the gift and how I do relationship with that person.

I'm at a point in my life where I don't really expect the gifts I receive to be extravagant or surprising. If I want a thing, I generally get it for myself, so all the stuff I really want is only limited by my patience and ability to pay for it. Now that I think about it, though, I am also at a point in my life where I have almost daily reminders of how I value the giver more than the gift when it comes to my kids. Yesterday, Mary Hannah brought home a craft she'd made at school. Technically, I guess it is a trivet, a ceramic hot pad for putting heated dishes on in a kitchen. It is very colorful. Not quite sure how functional it would be, but we'll probably hang on to it for it's artistic value rather than its usefulness (MH says it is an example of radial symmetry, but it looks kinda like a fruit pizza). At any rate, we oohed and aahed about it, not because it is spectacularly wonderful, useful, or beautiful, but because it came from our daughter. Definitely a case of valuing the giver and our relationship over the gift!

So, how do we do with non-tangible gifts that we give each other? For instance, the gift of shared time is one that is often undervalued and closely linked to the value we place on the giver. Early in our marriage, Amelia frequently wanted me to spend downtime in the same room as her. This was difficult because I was obsessed with a particular video game at the time and the computer was in another room. She didn't particularly want to do anything specific, she just wanted us to be together and was unwilling to sit and watch me play my game. Likewise, I was unwilling to sit and watch whatever show she was watching when my guildmates were hosting a raid! I think that situation is an example of how people perceive the gift and the giver differently. Amelia wanted me to give her the gift of shared time, but I was unwilling to do that. I wanted her to give me the gift of time to myself, but I was being selfish about it and devaluing the giver.

So, that gets me thinking about the gift of oneself. Augustine was basically saying that we place the emphasis on WHAT we are getting from God, when the true gift of God is the gift of HIMSELF. Everything that comes from being in relationship with God is just byproduct of the relationship itself. So, what if the corollary is true, that the true gifts we receive from others are just tangible pieces of what they are really offering: themselves, via relationship. There are varying levels of course. I wouldn't expect that someone who offers me a $10 giftcard for my birthday party was looking for a deep and abiding intense relationship. More likely, they are offering a passing mutual regard for each other, and that is okay. However, there are people in my life with whom I need to learn to look at our relationship itself as a gift, a gift that deserves to be valued in the highest place.

Who do you need to thank and appreciate for giving you the gift of themselves? Value both the gift and the giver at once! :)

-jeff